What are the tell-tale signs of a dysfunctional family? There are many, but the essence of dysfunctionality can be seen in the Apostle Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:23-24:

“For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

There are two things here that are clear. First, is the issue of headship for the husband. The second point is that of submission of the wife to her husband – in everything.

If you read Genesis chapter 2, you see that God created man first, then He created woman to be “a helper” to the man. Paul here is doing nothing more than restoring the original Genesis account and putting things in their right order. It’s just that he uses a different illustration to make the point.

There are two things here. Man’s leadership and woman’s helping. How is a man to lead, and how is the woman to help? St. Paul explains himself rather well.

For the man, the example is set by Christ himself. A man is to be the head of his family in the same manner Christ is head of the church. What are some of the indicators?

First, Christ demands 100% allegiance to His rule and authority in life. Christ, the leader, sets the rules, and husbands, the followers, obey the rules. Therefore, the husband needs to reflect on his own commitment to God’s commands, and see that he conforms himself to these demands.

Second, Christ is the Saviour of his followers. He does whatever is necessary for their welfare. He is even willing to give up his life in order to save His people (v. 25).

Third, not yet content with his illustration, Paul illustrates a man’s love for his wife with the love the man has for himself. A man should love his wife no less than he loves himself.

Then there is the other half, a wife’s submission to her husband, in everything. The illustration is the church’s submission to Christ. This is the pattern for the wife to follow.

Notice Paul does not use the wife’s husband and say as her husband subjects himself to Christ, so should she subject herself to her husband. Too many husbands fail at this point, and so it would not have been a good example.

The church, however, is the example Paul chooses to use. How is the church to submit to Christ? In some things, or all things?

And what does submission mean if it does not mean the complete surrender of the will to another?

But by using the church’s example of submission, Paul also includes husbands. He does not let husbands off the hook, so to speak, since they are included in this word “church.”

So, men, how is your submission to Christ? Is it the same kind of submission you expect from your wife to you? If not, you’re operating on a double standard. That’s not a smart idea if you want your wife to take you seriously!

Hence Paul’s instruction for men to love their wives as Christ loves and nourishes his people, the church – the called-out ones.

And maybe if we men would get that part right, the submission part of the wife might fall into place and our families would be less dysfunctional.

– Ian Hodge

(This article by Ian Hodge is from www.biblicallandmarks.com.)

by Pastor Douglas Wilson
www.dougwils.com

You have asked me how it is possible to have a rebellious and out-of-control son when you have not ever thought of yourself as an indulgent father. You are right to see that radical indulgence on the part of a father is a disaster for sons – boys need direction, counsel, admonition, and correction. Of course. And if a father does not provide this, the boy grows up rudderless. That being the case, other more powerful voices will step in to provide direction. Those voices are best categorized under the heading of lusts.

But rebellion in sons can come from another direction as well. If a father’s disposition is negative, if he provides nothing but direction, counsel, admonition and correction, then the father has become nothing but law to his son. And what does law do when it comes into contact with sinners? It reveals sin (Rom. 3:20). More than this, it provokes sin (Rom. 5:20).

Grace deals with sin. Indulgence does not. Law would like to, but cannot. To cover up for its impotence, law in a father can deliver yet another disapproving lecture. And the son concludes that if he is going to be hanged for a thief no matter what he does, he might as well steal something.

Gracious fathers lead their sons through the minefield of sin. Indulgent fathers watch their sons wander off into the minefield. Legal fathers chase them there.

Reprinted by permission from www.wisdomsedge.com.

Houses have atmospheres. They radiate the mood and character of the family who dwells there. You can tell as soon as you enter someone’s house if it feels warm, open, and inviting; or stiff and uncomfortable.

It doesn’t matter how perfect your furniture is or how clean you keep your carpet. Furnishings and belongings never make up for love!

So, here are 5 ways that you can make your house into that warm and loving home you desire.

1. Maintain an open door policy.

Make your house inviting to family and friends by letting them know they are welcome in your home. Encourage them to stop by to say hello or to visit with you for a few minutes. Let them know you value them as a part of your life. A closed home is a lonely home!

2. Fill your home with fresh aromas.

Let the aroma of compassion, kindness, gentleness, love, joy, patience, etc permeate through your walls. Homes need to be a haven, a place where people can feel secure to be themselves. Someone who smells these character qualities encompassing your home can’t help but hunger for more!

3. Hold a consistent family dinner hour.

Make sure your family sits together at the table for dinner each night (or at least regularly) so that you can share together, laugh, and bond. It doesn’t matter what else is going on in the world if you can all connect as one family unit each day.

4. Keep your home picked up - but let it be “lived in.”

It’s a great thing to be organized and to take pride in your home. In fact, your family will benefit from these traits. But it’s just as important to not let that organization run your life. If a home is so immaculate that everyone is afraid to relax, what good does that do anyone? A good reminder to help you keep your focus balanced is to think of what you would do if you opened your door to find Jesus there after He’d walked for miles on a dusty road. Would you allow Him to enter in His dirty sandals?

5. Slow down!

Fast-paced lives are the biggest thieves of family time these days. Friends are important but you need to make your family your priority not your social activities. Make time to create memories together in your home.

I want a home that has laughter, tears, quiet moments, social gatherings and more filling every corner with memories and legacies. I want my children to remember a home that was a refuge for them and somewhere that they could be themselves.

I want something “real” to be felt in my home. Don’t you?

– Dionna Sanchez

Dionna Sanchez strives to fill her home with compassion, honesty, warmth, and love. You can email Dionna at emphasisonmoms@qwest.net. Visit her web site at http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com/.

Stupidity is not Compassionate
by Pastor Douglas Wilson
http://www.dougwils.com/

Just a short post to address two things at once. I have wanted to say something about the Wall Street meltdown, and I also needed to address a question raised in my last post on mercy and economics.

The bottom line first. Should the taxpayers be bailing out Behemoth Banks, Leviathan Lenders, and Marduk Mortgage? Of course not. Are they too big to fail? Sure. But that also means they they are too big to be allowed to continue their cozy relationship with politicians who always fix things, crises included, by pandering. And, as it turns out, the feds caused this particular meltdown by their pandering ways. Walter Williams explains it, straight up the middle:

“The Community Reinvestment Act of 1977 is a federal law that intimidated lenders into offering credit throughout their entire market and discouraged them from restricting their credit services to low-risk markets, a practice sometimes called redlining. The Federal Reserve Bank, keeping interest rates artificially low, gave buyers and builders incentive to buy and build, thereby producing the housing bubble. Lenders were willing to make creative interest-only loans, often high-risk “no doc” and “liar loans,” in order to allow people to buy more housing than they could afford. Of course, with the expectation that housing prices will continue to rise, it was no problem for lenders and borrowers but housing prices began to fall, leaving some people with negative home equity and banks in trouble.”

Most people, when their house catches on fire, call the fire department. We, the American people, through our elected representitives, usually insist in a loud voice that the arsonists get back here on the double, and bring some extra gasoline. This is usually done in the name of compassion, prudence, and all the rest of it. We don’t live under a tyanny; we live under a tyrnanny.

For example, Idaho congressman Mike Simpson chided true blue Idaho congressman Bill Sali for opposing the bailouts. He said that Sali was putting ideology ahead of national interest. Yeah, Sali has an ideology that says arsonists should be locked up, and why don’t we call the fire department instead? There is no accounting for some people.

And this leads to my second point in this post. I was asked this, in the comments of my Justice Java post. “What would you suggest instead? Every time there’s someone trying to do something to help someone in a third world country, you’re quick to point out the problems. And I suppose there’s a place for that. But we are supposed to find ways of giving help.”

Yes, this is exactly right. While it is quite right that stupidity doesn’t work, and stupidity isn’t compassionate either, but having made that point, what does work? A foolish but goodhearted fellow might break someone’s neck while trying to move him after a car accident. But that reality is only a warning against doing this foolishly. We still have to figure out how to move the guy, and get him to some help.

God loves the world, and sent His Son to be the Savior of the world. That salvation is fundamentally deliverance from sin and corruption, but downstream it includes deliverance from disease, poverty, societal corruption, and more. But we can’t take the engine out the car so that, being much lighter now, it will go faster.

That engine is the gospel. The gospel is the solution to all the problems of culture, banking problems and third world problems included. The gospel is the heart of the Great Commission – preach the gospel, baptize the nations, teach them to live obediently. That obedience begins in their personal lives, and involves things like sobriety, chastity, and a solid biblical work ethic. If you do that, it will not be possible to prevent a middle class from developing. In the meantime, all attempts to go straight to the cultural benefits of the gospel, without the gospel itself being entrenched in that culture, is like a lifeguard trying to dry someone off before getting him off the bottom of the pool.

Because Worldviews Matter

“The most practical and important thing about a man is his view of the universe. For a landlady to consider a lodger, it is important to know his income, but still more important to know his philosophy. For a general to fight an enemy, it is important to know the enemy’s numbers, but still more important to know the enemy’s philosophy . The question is not whether the theory of the cosmos affects matters, but whether, in the long run, anything else affects them.” G.K. Chesterton

“As a man thinketh in his heart so is he.” King Solomon

“Worldview is the most important thing that we can know about a man. Ideas have consequences. And those consequences affect everything in the practical realm as well as in the theoretical realm. Discernment of worldview is therefore the most necessary of all the tasks of wisdom.” Richard Weaver